Found… graduate angst

So I was looking at my word documents, mostly to reminisce over my college career and its utter lack of applicability of ‘real life’ and I found some poetry/free verse I wrote. I must have written this in the last quarter of college. enjoy?

Forced to listen to drunken bastards singing top 40 jams at the top of their lungs
Broken voices fighting to break out of ventricles swimming in forced concessions
Complacency settled deeply in the bones of those who use to dream child fantasies
I am afraid ill be there soon, living for brief moments of false freedoms
Laying in the backseat the world seemed so big and life was an endless playground of opportunity
Lolling my head out the window and making up songs
True love was the only goal, that Disney love no sex, no fights
No power struggles or uneven expectations
I wanted to ride the rollercoaster all day
But even then I knew I knew that ticking, beeping, seconds were unstoppable
Everything was whirling and there was nothing that could even pause it
No brief moment in which to look around Years passed in single breaths
No one noticed until
The used-up muscles ached.
he dreams were tainted.
Mechanic days of compromise

this one makes no sense except to me who remembers this stream of consciousness perfectly…..

Psycho psycho psycho I want to dance
I want to get out let me leave so that I can come back
I just made a dance station on Pandora
Wondering if I should open the bottle of Muscat wine.
I think yes. Ill use a glass that is clean and finish a bottle off
Mmmm sounds good
I am wearing the right hat for that kind of behavior
Maybe ill take a hit too
I think I deserve it
Having been a crazy prisoner all day
I look like steezer right now
I think it wont go over well but I like it
I am going to be cold
Because summer refuses to come despite the lateness in the year
I cant take this dance” music no more
Ok just kidding I love synth…
Far too much
Cheesy 80s crap makes me think of tourqoise and pink geometric shapes
My dog is eating his foot

I see a theme emerging….

I am torn between wanting to be free and getting lost in swirling circles and ringing tides
And the hum-drum bizzbum of doing what I should
When I speak of dropping flopping and flying high on something not on the track on the road to something official, plastic, pride, prestiege
I am scared don’t frighten me they say they say to me and I don’t understand
When the paths forked into two
They say watch out look for stormy weather, well yeah you too
You don’t know tomorrow and u may not know today
The clouds are going to come even in the stone walls of classical notes
So you might as well be free
Caught up in to
We forget it
Just entranced with smutty pornographic images
Never really wondering, questioning or exploring the flame within
Christian zealots, hippie hogwash for the rotten mind they say
Well I think I found the answer
And you sure as hell don’t want to hear it
Its not secure, its not right , its not GREAT-ness
I don’t care about tomorrow
Because today is becoming yesterday
And that child you knew once wants to be proud of you today
Don’t look back with regrets or to the future with other people’s expectations
Open roads, grassy knolls with hidden troves, clouds of gossamer wings weaving golden light from freedoms whispered voice
Rock n roll and folksy blues are the tunes that prance into the mind
Tumblers of the past they had something right
Cause life is long and I want to be alive and real and true
This world is shit, its no surprise
Your shit has blood, that dollar has blood, that poster is cultural genocide
Break out
Break out
Break out
The world is the relations, smiles, fights and screams
Go out into this world and be free

This one has a title and is my favorite.

The burial was quiet
No birds sang and no one cried
There was only me and a
Simple white box
Not everything was beautiful
There was a lot of pain
In that unassuming box
Its unadorned façade
Was a ruse
I wanted to cry as I dug into the earth
I wanted to laugh
I wanted to open the box and not put it away
But I couldn’t
it was to late
It was done
That part of me had died
I planted a single lilac
On that red-earth mound
I walked away
I didn’t feel myself again for a long time
Until one day, on a sunny afternoon
I felt something pure
And the white box soul
Came back to me
It was never the same
But it was still good
I know I have to bury other boxes
some will hurt more than others
but they will all come back to me


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